


A New Year Carol

by miss_whimsy



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9131158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_whimsy/pseuds/miss_whimsy
Summary: It's New Year's Eve 2015 and Robert Sugden is about to get a long-overdue lesson from some ghosts.





	

The slam of the door behind him was as satisfying as the look on Ross’s face when he’d pulled the trigger. Robert smiled to himself and pushed away the thoughts clamouring in his head to make themselves heard. He was happy, he told himself. Ross had gotten what was coming to him and if Debbie knew about Andy too, well then all the better. They’d been the ones plotting to commit murder. They deserved whatever happened to them.

He stopped short on the street when the pub door opened and Marlon and Sam hurried outside. 

“Aaron,” Marlon yelled, forcing Robert to take a step back into the shadows. “Aaron, come on!”

“Just a minute,” Aaron’s voice shouted back, and Robert craned his neck to catch a glimpse. “Mum, will you hurry up!”

Chas ran out of the pub, her arms full of bottles, assuring Aaron that they’d make it in time if he’d just help her carry some of these maybe.

None of them seemed drunk enough not to notice him, so he couldn’t move until they’d passed by and he still couldn’t see Aaron, only hear him, arguing with his family as the Dingles headed off towards Wishing Well Cottage.

He waited until he was sure they were gone and then set off again to Keeper’s, hoping for that pleasant feeling of triumph to return. 

Victoria and Adam were babysitting Johnny, so the house was dark and cold when he let himself in the front door. He grabbed the bottle of vodka from the freezer and a glass from the cupboard and walked through to the living room. 

One minute to midnight.

_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six_

He poured himself a glass and watched the seconds tick past on the mantle clock.

_Five, four, three, two, one._

“Happy new year,” he said to himself and downed the entire glass.

“Happy new year, Robert.”

The glass slipped from Robert’s hand and smashed against the table. Robert stumbled backwards, knocking over the chair behind him, eyes fixed on the man now standing in front of the fireplace, wearing that familiar flat cap. 

“Easy there.”

“Dad?”

“It’s nice to see you too, son,” Jack said. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, well,” Robert said, his breath coming a little too quickly as he stared at his father. “You’re dead.”

“Yes,” Jack said with a nod of agreement. “I am dead. It’s a shame we have to see each other under these circumstances.”

“I’m having a stroke,” Robert said. “I’m dying? Dead? Insane?”

“Well I think a lot of people would put money on that last one,” Jack said as he sat down in the armchair next to the door, effectively blocking Robert’s escape. “But no, you’re not any of those things.”

“Then how are you here?” Robert asked, trying to calm his breathing. “I watched them bury you.”

“I know,” Jack said. “You could have at least come to the graveside. But then that’s you all over, isn’t it? You’re always so overdramatic. Everything has to be a production. Like tonight with the Barton lad.”

“What?”

“Scaring Ross Barton half to death. Ruining Debbie and Andy’s lives. Again.”

Robert stared at him. “Oh, so you’ve just come back to tell me what a complete screw-up I am.” He laughed bitterly. “I should have known. God forbid death should interfere with you giving me a proper dressing down.”

“Maybe if you behaved like an actual human being, I wouldn’t have to,” Jack snapped back, then sighed. “Sit down, Robert. I’m not here to tell you off. I’m here to save you.”

“Save me?” Robert said. He sat down heavily on the sofa, resting his forearms on his knees as he leant towards Jack. “Save me from what?”

“Yourself,” Jack said, simply.

Robert started to laugh. “Oh, I get. I get it. You and the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are going to make me see the error of my ways.”

Jack nodded. “It’s a classic for a reason.”

“Aren’t you about a week late?” Robert said. “Isn’t this supposed to happen on Christmas Eve, not New Year?”

“I came on Christmas Eve,” Jack told him. “You were passed out drunk. Still, better late than never eh? And just in the nick of time.”

“Unbelievable,” Robert muttered. 

“Robert, you have to know you can’t carry on like this. What exactly are you trying to prove?” Jack got to his feet, wandering the small room. “Your sister has a nice place here.”

Fleetingly, Robert thought of Home Farm and wondered if Jack would have been more impressed if Robert had still been living there.

“Probably not,” Jack said, though Robert was sure he hadn’t spoken aloud. “Stop making everything a competition. I don’t want you to live in a fancy house. I want you to treat people with decency.”

“I’ve tried!”

“This is you trying, is it? Hurting people. Conning them. Cheating on your wife?”

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare try to pretend you’re better than me after what you did to mum. You hypocrite.”

“And why do you think I’m here,” Jack said, raising his voice insistently. “You need to stop making the same mistakes I made. You need to find what makes you happy and hold onto it. Or else you’re going to end up like me. Miserable and alone.”

“And dead.”

“Everybody dies, son,” Jack said. “It’s what you do while you’re alive that counts.” He looked over at the clock on the mantle and then back at Robert. “Expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one.” 

“Now who’s being overdramatic?” Robert scoffed, but when he looked up at his dad, Jack had gone and Robert was all alone.

 

The house was eerily quiet in the aftermath. Robert grabbed the vodka from the table and took a generous swig straight from the bottle. 

Stress. It was a hallucination, caused by stress, Robert thought. Probably some PTSD from the shooting. It was nothing. He’d be fine. If Chas Dingle could cope with it then he certainly could. He just needed to get good and drunk and go to bed.

He couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting towards the clock, however, and as one a.m. drew closer he stood and started to pace the room, his body humming with nervous energy. 

Victoria’s clock obviously didn’t chime, so Robert watched the seconds tick past, braced himself and waited. 

Nothing happened. There was no blinding light. No chorus of angels. No flying off through the window with a baby that sounded like whatshername from Hollyoaks. 

Robert breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed back onto the sofa.

Where Katie was sitting.

“Jesus,” he yelled, rearing back, pushing himself as far away from her as he could. 

Katie was wearing her wedding dress and an expression of smug superiority.

“I think I’ve got a right to be smug, don’t I?” she said when the thought passed through his head. “I was right about you after all.”

“You’re the Ghost of Christmas Past?”

“I got married last Christmas,” Katie reminded him. “You ruined that an’ all.”

Robert stared at her. He could feel his heart beating a mile a minute in his chest. The last time he’d seen her she’d been dead, just a body, vacant staring eyes, caught forever in his memory.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“I’m not here to talk about that,” she said, picking a non-existent piece of fluff off her dress. “I’m here to help you.”

“Why?” Robert asked. “Why would you possibly want to help me?”

“You know I’ve been asking myself the same question,” she said, as she stood and held out her hand to him. “When I work it out, I’ll let you know.”

 

It was instantaneous. 

One moment Robert was standing in Victoria’s living room and the next he was in the kitchen at the pub with Vic and Finn. Katie stood beside him, leaning back against the counter, arms folded over her chest. 

“Do you remember having a punch up with Andy that morning?” Katie asked, gesturing towards Victoria who was crying into the chopped carrots and furiously rubbing her eyes.

Robert did remember the fight. He remembered the satisfaction of blacking Andy’s eye and how quickly the feeling had faded. He remembered going back to Home Farm and Chrissie and Lachlan and their stilted, overly polite Christmas.

Vic held out her hand to Finn. _“Phone now."_

_“You said not to give it to you.”_

_“I need to speak to Robert,”_ she insisted. _“Give it to me.”_

Finn handed it over with a shrug and carried on his own chopping.

_“I know you’re swerving my calls, Rob…”_

Robert knew there was more to the phone call. He’d listened to the voicemail a couple of times, assured himself that Vic would forgive him eventually. He knew she was sad and disappointed in him. Knew how much she hated him fighting with Andy. How let down she felt that he couldn’t even seem to try. 

He knew there was more to it, but he couldn’t hear another word because that was when Aaron had stepped into the room.

Katie made a little scoffing noise beside him, but Robert ignored her. 

It had been a few weeks since he’d seen Aaron properly. Even longer since they’d talked. And when they did talk Aaron’s voice always held that tinge of disdain that said that he hated wasting his breath on Robert. Sometimes, he thought he caught a glimpse of something in Aaron’s eyes - a yearning that used to be there, had always been there until Paddy and the lodge - but he knew he was fooling himself. Aaron had made it perfectly clear how he felt.

The Aaron in front of him now looked younger and happier. And why shouldn’t he be? This was before anything bad had happened between them.

“You haven’t even killed me yet,” Katie said, interrupting his thoughts as he stared at Aaron. 

“I didn’t kill you.”

“Well,” Katie drawled, “maybe. I still like seeing your face when I say it.”

“So what am I here to learn?” Robert asked, going back to watching Aaron move around the kitchen. Victoria was telling him what Robert had done that morning and how much it was hurting her. Now she was crying and Robert’s heart clenched. He wanted to go to her and make it better.

“Huh. I thought your heart was made of stone.”

“Katie!”

“Look at you, shouting at a dead woman. Get some counselling, Robert.”

“Are you seriously going to spend the whole time yelling at me? I thought you were here to help me.”

“And I can’t do both? No one said anything to me about it being one or the other.”

Robert didn’t have time to answer. One second they were in the kitchen and the next they were in the back of Aaron’s car outside of Home Farm and Robert was watching himself climb inside.

_“How am I supposed to explain this?”_

_“Make up whatever excuse you like.”_

_“Yeah, it’s Christmas Day.”_

Robert winced, listening to himself talk. 

“Yeah, you are kind of pathetic,” Katie said, agreeing with Aaron. “What is wrong with you, seriously?”

“If you know everything,” Robert snapped, “then you already know what’s wrong with me, so for once in your life, why don’t you keep your nose out.”

_“I just don’t need to be around someone who treats people like that,”_ Aaron said and Robert closed his eyes against a wave of hurt. _“I’m done with you. Now get out.”_

Why did it hurt so much when he knew that this wasn’t the end? 

“Because you remember the end,” Katie said quietly and Robert wished everyone would stop reading his thoughts. “It would have been less painful if you’d called it quits right now.”

“Shut up,” Robert sighed, but they weren’t even in the car anymore. They were in the corridor at the pub, between the bar and the back room, and Robert could hear himself talking to Andy, admitting that he was jealous. “What are we doing out here?”

Katie pointed at the door to the bar, which was where Aaron appeared from as though summoned. 

Robert watched him hovering in the doorway, watched his face change, become thoughtful and proud, the tiniest quirk of his lips. God, he was so….

_“I thought we were having a drink.”_

Robert watched him step forward into the room, but instead of following he leant his head against the wall and sighed. “Is this punishment?”

“Yes,” Katie said simply. “I’d start thinking, though, if I were you.”

“Thinking about what?” Robert asked.

“What you’re seeing,” Katie said slowly. “It’s kind of important.”

They were in the church and Robert groaned. “Can’t we skip this?”

“No,” Katie said as her former self laid into Robert’s former self. “You ruined my wedding.”

“You got married didn’t you?” Robert protested. “I apologised.”

“You pushed me through rotten floorboards.”

“I didn’t know they were going to collapse, did I?”

“Are you even sorry at all?” Katie asked. “Because earlier you said you didn’t feel anything.”

Robert stared at her and for a moment all he could see was her broken body amidst the rubble.

“I am sorry,” he said quietly. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“Alright,” Katie said, and now they were sitting on the bonnet of Robert’s Audi behind the pub, watching him and Aaron walk towards them.

_“I don’t need the lecture, you can save your breath.”_

“What I want to know,” Katie said, with a tiny smile, “is why he gets so turned on by you being a relentless dickhead.”

Robert smiled. “I’m great in bed.”

“Adequate,” Katie corrected.

“Maybe me and you were adequate,” Robert said. “Me and Aaron are something else.”

“Spare me.”

_“I thought I’d be the last person you’d listen to.”_

Aaron had stopped walking right next to where Robert was sitting and he reached out for the first time, attempting to touch Aaron’s arm.

“You are so ridiculous,” Katie hissed. “Why can’t you just be honest? Did you really think anyone was going to care that you were gay?”

“Bi,” Robert corrected. “And yes, obviously.”

Aaron started to sway back and forth, teasing and flirtatious. Past Robert mirrored him, smiling and eager. 

Robert was suddenly and inexplicably jealous of himself.

_“So, are you going home?”_

_“No.”_

Robert and Katie sat on the stairs and watched past Robert and Aaron enter the pub through the back door. Robert watched Aaron lick his lips and pull him closer. He wanted Aaron so much, even now. Having to relive it was the sweetest form of torture. They kissed and kissed and kissed and Robert could remember every moment of it, seared into his memory until Katie appeared. 

“I did mean it you know,” Robert told her. “About fixing it. I didn’t want all of this. I didn’t want any of it.”

“You wanted him,” Katie said, nodding towards Aaron. “You spent all night with him. I mean a bunk up in the garage isn’t my idea of a romantic getaway, but to each their own.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Robert protested. “It wasn’t sordid.”

Everything around them started to dim and fade away. Robert kept his eyes fixed on Aaron until he disappeared from view, leaving only Robert and Katie in the darkness.

“What was it then?” she asked, bringing Robert’s head up. His eyes sought hers for answers but she remained as enigmatic as ever. 

“It was everything.”

 

A bottle smashed outside and Robert blinked, finding himself back in Victoria’s living room. 

Robert rubbed his hands over his face and took a few deep breaths.

“Yeah, you’ll need them.”

“I should have known,” Robert laughed, bitterly. “Why is it always you?”

“Funny,” Andy said, “I say the same thing about you.”

“I need a drink.” Robert walked through to the kitchen again, looking around for anything even vaguely alcoholic. “Do you want one?”

“Ghosts can’t drink,” Andy said, which made Robert smile.

“One-nil to me then.”

“Stop making things a competition.”

“That’s what dad said,” Robert told him, pulling a can of beer out of the fridge. 

“And he’s right.”

“Well, you would say that wouldn’t you?” Robert said bitterly. “You tried to have me killed and you’re still the favourite.”

“Don’t twist this around on me,” Andy said, raising his voice. “We both know why I did that.”

Robert downed the entire can and opened a second. “Let’s get on with it then. Don’t we have places to be?”

 

Wishing Well Cottage was packed full of Dingles. It was loud and odd and Ross Barton was sitting in the middle of everything as though he’d never attempted to kill Robert a couple of months ago.

“Is he really who you’re focusing on?” Andy asked, making Robert turn to glare at him.

“No.”

Aaron was sat at the table next to Chas and, as always, Robert’s attention went to him. He looked sad and frustrated. Robert wanted to help.

He heard the door open but didn’t look away from Aaron, so he saw exactly the look that crossed his face when he saw who the newcomer was.

“Who’s that?” Robert asked Andy, glancing towards the man who’d just entered the room and then back to Aaron who looked like he was in shock.

“His dad.”

_“What’s he doing here?”_

“No love lost there then?” Robert said, looking over at the man again. “I don’t like him.”

“That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said tonight,” Andy said. 

Aaron cracked open another can and Robert’s heart went out to him. 

“Is he alright?” Robert asked. “He looks tired.”

“No,” Andy told him. “He’s not alright. He’s in a lot of pain right now and it’s only going to get worse.”

“There must be something I can do to help.”

“Why would he want anything from you?” Andy asked. “He hates you.”

Robert closed his eyes and when he opened them again he was standing in Paddy’s living room and Aaron was moving around nervously, full of pent up energy as he complained about what was happening.

As Paddy tried to talk him down, Robert sat on the sofa, watching and listening, remembering everything he’d done to these two men. 

He hated himself.

“Good,” Andy muttered.

The back room of the pub again and Aaron was packing a bag.

“He’s not leaving,” Robert said urgently, looking at Andy.

“You heard him tonight,” Andy sighed. “Stop being an idiot and just watch, will you?”

Chas walked in holding two bottles of wine and tried to convince Aaron to join her at Debbie’s for the night.

“I hate seeing him like this,” Robert said, without taking his eyes off him. “He looks so lost.”

“It’s interesting,” Andy said, smiling a little as Aaron left the room and everything started to fade away again.

“Interesting?”

“You’ve not mentioned Chrissie once.”

They were back in Vic’s house and Andy was watching him with a knowing look in his eyes. “Be honest, Rob. There’s a reason we’re here tonight and it’s not because of Katie or Chrissie or me. What’s the one thing that might actually make your life better?”

Robert knew what Andy meant. He knew he was right. But he was still terrified. He could still remember that fifteen-year-old boy he’d been, aching over his mother’s death, testing out the new feelings he was having. How it was all ripped away in the face of his father’s anger. He’d sworn he’d never do it again.

He’d been lying to himself for so long he didn’t know what the truth was anymore.

 

“I’ve never seen you like this before.”

Robert looked around with a start. Andy had vanished and in his place, on the sofa, sat a young girl, wearing a gaudy Christmas jumper with a polar bear on it and a headband with Christmas trees on springs bouncing on top of it. She looked amused and oddly fond. Robert had never seen her before in his life. 

“You don’t look much like death.”

“You don’t look much like Robert,” the girl said with a shrug. “I suppose you have to hit rock bottom before you start clawing your way back up.”

“Am I there yet?” he asked, pushing himself to his feet. 

The girl smiled. “Maybe. You’ll find out, I suppose. If you’ve learnt anything from tonight.”

“So you’re the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come,” Robert said. “I don’t know you.”

“Well that’s the funny thing about the future, isn’t it? You don’t know it yet.” The girl stood and held out her hand. “I’m Liv, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” Robert said, and took her hand.

 

They were in the pub, on the landing at the top of the stairs. A door behind them opened and Robert watched as another Liv stepped out in her pyjamas and walked straight past them to knock on the door of the master bedroom.

_“Aaron,”_ she called. 

There was a muffled yelp from inside the room, then a thump, then Aaron started to laugh.

_“Give us a minute, Liv.”_

Future Liv’s face scrunched up in disgust and she sat down on the stairs, pulling out her phone to text someone.

“Someone’s in there with him,” Robert said to the Liv standing next to him. “He’s got a boyfriend.”

Liv nodded. “Sort of.”

“What do you mean, sort of?”

“I mean, he’s engaged, so probably fiancé is a better word.”

Robert felt his heart break into a million pieces.

“Please,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse, “please don’t make me watch this.”

“I don’t make the rules,” Liv said. “Maybe if you’d treated him better, none of this would be happening.”

“I know that,” he said. “I know. I’ve learnt my lesson. Please don’t make me watch.”

“As much as I enjoy the begging, you might want to pay attention.”

The bedroom door opened and Aaron appeared looking happy and relaxed and utterly gorgeous. His hair was a mess of curls that someone had clearly spent time running their hands through as they’d kissed him thoroughly. 

_“Sorry,”_ he said to Liv, who stood up to hug him quickly. _“We lost track of time.”_

_“Too much information,”_ she said. _“Is his highness joining us, or are we just standing about here for the fun of it?”_

_“I’m here!”_

Robert stared in shock when he saw himself appear in the bedroom doorway. 

_“Finally.”_

_“You’re the one holding us up now.”_

Robert watched as they ran down the stairs, but didn’t follow, his mind still turning over the fact that…

“You’re engaged,” Liv said with a grin. “Don’t say I never give you anything.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What? Did you want me to show you that you might die? You’ve already been shot. I’d say you faced up to your near-death situation already. And you know exactly how many people don’t like you right now. Aaron said he hated you. The only friend you’ve got is your sister. You don’t need me piling it on.”

“What’s all this then?”

“Think of it as an incentive.”

They were outside now, standing outside The Mill which was boarded up and fenced off. 

_“Green,”_ the other Liv was saying and Aaron twisted his face, making Robert laugh. _“Why not green?”_

_“Why not red?”_ Robert argued.

_“Why don’t we wait until we can actually go inside before we start decorating?”_ Aaron said. _“Come on, it’s freezing. Let’s get back.”_

“An incentive for what,” Robert asked, following the three of them up the street, smiling slightly when Aaron and Liv threw snowballs at Carly. 

“This is what you can have,” Liv told him. “Look at how happy you are. You can be that happy. You can have a family with Aaron and me.”

“How?” 

“Start making the right choices,” Liv told him.

In a blink they were in the pub corridor again, watching Liv walk through to the bar. Aaron stopped Robert from following and leant up to kiss him sweetly. _“Merry Christmas.”_

_“Yes, it is.”_

“I want this,” Robert breathed. “Tell me what to do. Tell me what I have to do to get it.”

“I can’t tell you,” Liv sighed. “That’s not how it works and you know it. Just do the right thing, Robert.”

They sat in the bar and watched the Dingles celebrate. Robert couldn’t believe that he was standing there with them, accepted, sharing a joke with Chas and Cain as if everything that had happened between them had somehow been wiped from his slate.

“I don’t understand. Did I save someone’s life?”

Liv smiled secretively. “You’ll find out.”

Wishing Well was the last place on earth Robert would ever have expected to feel like home, but there he was, sitting on the sofa with Aaron, stroking the dog, looking hopelessly, helplessly in love. He couldn’t drag his eyes away from the rings on their fingers.

“Did I ask him or did he ask me?”

“Yes,” Liv said straight-faced and then started to laugh. “It was pretty much what you’d expect from the two of you.”

Robert didn’t understand but it didn’t matter. His future self looked so happy. More importantly, Aaron looked happy.

“You’re good together,” Liv told him. “You love each other. You’re still a massive idiot sometimes, but you do deserve this, Robert. You just have to work for it.”

“I will,” he promised. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Good,” Liv said, as the house began to fade away. “I can’t wait to meet you, Robert.”

“Wait,” he said. “Don’t go. Please. Let me have more time.”

“You have to get started,” Liv told him, hesitating only for a second before wrapping her arms around him. “Happy New Year, Rob.”

 

The sound of keys in the lock and the front door opening startled Robert and he only had a moment to gather himself before Vic and Adam walked in. 

“You’re still up,” Victoria said, surprised, giving him a quick once over. 

“And still sober,” Adam added. “Wonders never cease.”

“Happy New Year.” 

Victoria stepped forward quickly to hug Robert and he squeezed her tightly.

“Happy New Year,” he echoed, meeting Adam’s eyes for a second.

“Yeah, you too, mate,” Adam said. “We’re just off to bed. We’re knackered. Babysitting is not the easiest thing in the world.”

Victoria kissed Robert’s cheek. “Are you really okay?”

“Yeah,” he assured her. “Of course I am.”

She nodded slightly and then took Adam’s hand again, following him upstairs to bed, calling out a goodnight as she went.

Robert sat down on the sofa, his mind racing with everything he’d seen and felt in the last few hours. He knew he’d need time to process it all. In a couple of days, this would all feel like a dream and he’d start to forget. But he knew what he wanted now, more than anything and forever.

He just had to try.


End file.
